10 Days...

Day 1

Hearing the news, I hurriedly packed my things. I just bring my laptop with me. I can’t think straight even though I still manage to give a smile to my roommate. After settled up the things that I must do, straight away went back. That time, I confused whether I should go home first or straight away went to him. I prayed for his safety. He’s the man that I love the most in my life. Once I arrived at the terminal, I can’t get any bus to go to him. At that time, I just think of him. Oh, God...please help me. In the end my uncle sent me there. I still don’t get any call about him. I felt the car moved too slowly. If I can run, I’ll run instead. I want to be by his side. I want him to see me.

I felt scared when I reached that place. The place where he’s being healed. I can’t see any door to him- ghastly situation for me. I saw my brother waiting patiently for me. He gives me a smile and a gentle hug saying everything gonna be fine. I pushed him hard. I warned him not to hug me. I tried to keep holding on. The hug will weaken me. I saw the door. The door that’ll leads me to him. I just looked at it blankly. We’ve been separated only by a door.  I wanna see him but at the same time I afraid what’s waiting for me there. I saw her looking at me with teary eyes. I saw them too. Looking at me the same way of her.  I looked away. Afraid to collapse in front of them. With a shaking hands, I pushed the door. It’s like a different world to me. Everything is white. There are people in there. But none of them are paying their attention to me. I walked slowly until I reached a place. He’s in there. I saw him lying peacefully. He looks like sleeping- a deep sleep. He looks pale. There’s a lot of tube, needles and wires on him. It hurts seeing him like that. Once he’s the strongest and though man I ever knew. But now, he lies unconsciously. He doesn’t even open his eyes to look at me. I failed to hold the tears- I cried. I wished it just a dream- a nightmare. Suddenly there’s a hand tap me from behind. I startled, I look at him again then I realise that it’s not a dream. I tried to find the hands who tap me. The stranger looks at me for a while before giving me a warm smile. I hate the way he looks at me. His eyes full with sympathy. I got angry. Damn. I don’t need the sympathy. I just need him in my life. I want him back.  The stranger looks like saying something. Trying to find the best word. I looked away and ignored him. Once again, I was in my own world. The tears won’t go away. They keep fall down my cheeks like to accompany me in my silence world. The stranger tapped me again. I refused to look at him and asked him to leave me alone. I heard him saying, he wait for me till I calm down. I felt weak. I felt empty. I felt like the God and the worlds are mean to me. Like been splashed with a cold water, I remember I shouldn’t blame anyone. This is a test for me. I walked towards the door. I leave without looked back. I met the strangers outside. He smiled. I walked passed him. He stopped me. He said something. I can’t understand what he’s saying. I just looked at him blankly. He leaves. I’m alone. I isolated myself. The strangers came approached me once again. He gave me a drink. He told me to drink. Then, he tried to speak once again. Now, I started to understand him. I cried during the conversation. There’s not much I can say.

“He’s having a heart attack. His condition is worse. We can’t even dare to say the percentage for him to survive. There’s a blockage in his heart. He’s critical but stable. What we can do now just wait and see. Pray a lot.”

Day 2

His condition stills the same. There’s no progress. I cried whenever I saw him. I can’t talk. I’m afraid to ask about him. Another stranger came and approached me. This time it’s a woman. I ignored her. My view became blurry because of the tears. The stranger gave me a tissue with a smile on her face. I don’t have any strength to smile back. I just looked away. I stare at him. I wanna see him as much as I can. The stranger interrupted me. I get mad. She startled. I realise I scared and offended her but I can’t say sorry. I can’t open my mouth. Every time I tried, I burst into tears. The stranger just stands still watching me. Then she said something. I gave my attention to her.

“You know about his condition right? I believe my friend had told you. He’s having a heart attack at both above and bottom of his heart. This also affected his kidney. He even had a bleeding in his stomach. Right now, he’s having a fever. He got infections in his lungs. That’s all we can say.”

I cried. Again the tears had become my bestfriend. I’ve become a faithful watchman. Waiting for him to open his eyes. I miss him so much. There’s a lot of question in my mind- what if I lost him? What I gonna do? What will happen to me? Am I ready to lose him at this age? The answers for those entire questions are negative. I’m not ready in losing him. I still need him in my life.

Day 3

I went through the door once again to see him. Without failed, I cried again. The woman sat next to his bed asked me to speak and talk to him. He can hear. But he can’t give any answer. He’s still sleeping. I tried but I failed as I burst into tears. She leaves her seat. I tried once again.

“I’ve come to see you. I’m always here by your side but you can’t see me. I just wanna tell you I love you. I’m waiting for you. So, don’t let me down. There’s so much thing I wanna do together with you. You can’t leave me like this.”

There came another stranger- a man. He looks at me and smile. I don’t pay any attention to him. I was occupied looking at the machine. Checking his heart rate, blood pressure and his face. The stranger tried to start a conversation. I ignored him. He’s so persistent. I looked at him. He gave me a smile. I wipe away the tears but the tears also so persistent. It never dry and won’t leave me.

“I believe you already know why he’s here. I just wanna tell you his condition. There’s no positive progress on him. His condition stills the same. Eventhough he’s look okay and stable, his condition can be worsening anytime. He’s dying.”

I cried...

Day 4

I walk through the door with a smile. I kiss him the way I used to. I talk to him word by word. I’m afraid I’ll cry again. I don’t want him to see me cry. I tried to be cheerful like always. These past 3 days, I’ve lost my smile. I don’t know how to laugh. There comes another stranger. Like usual, I ignored her. She just smile watching me treated him with care and love. Like others she tried to open conversation with me. I looked at her face. She gave me a comfort and warm smile.

“Don’t cry. Insyaallah he’ll be fine. You can call him. He’s awake. His progress and condition impressed us. If he can breathe by his own, we’ll remove the tube this afternoon.”

With a big smile, I cried. Then, I found back my smile. I can laugh like I used before. Thanks to HIM.

Day 5-10

He’s fine even though not totally fine. He can walk slowly, talk and eat. I’m happy seeing his progress. He wants to go home. He said he miss my little brother. He insisted to go home. He won’t listen to me anymore. He even sulks, refused to eat in order to go home. Taking care a sick person need a lot of patience. He’ll act like a child. No one can persuade him anymore. He get what he wants. We’re home!

10 days at hospital, I learn a lot of things. I’ve seen 5 deaths. There’s a lot of story to be share with. A happy one, sad one, pity one, angry one so on and so forth. I met a various kind of human- a kind one, mean one, disgraceful one... it teach me to love both of my parent. If you lose your boy/girlfriend, husband or wife, you can get a new one- it can be a better person or worse. But once you lose your dad or mom, no one can replace them. It won’t be the same. Their place is irreplaceable. My family was like a base of the building and the building is me. Once the base is gone, the building will surely collapse. So do me. Love your parent as long as they still alive. You wouldn’t know when they will leave your side. Take care of them the same way they take care of you.

“MATI ITU PASTI, HIDUP...INSYAALLAH”